It All Started With the Jeans, The Art of Letting Go.

About a month ago I was in the process of tidying up my closet, purging myself of clothing and things I felt I no longer needed or that I no longer appreciated. I was getting ready for a fresh start in the new year I  guess. I came across a pair of jeans neatly folded and tucked way in on the top shelf. Size 12. I have not been this size in many years. I took those jeans down, held them up by the waist and let them fall in front of me. Examining them, Gawd, did I ever fit into these? The bigger question though, was why were these jeans still with me, still on my closet shelf. It had been at least six years since they fit me. Ah, I reason, these are the jeans that came to Paris with me, these are my roam around  Paris jeans, my "I can wear a belt and love how I  look jeans", that's why I  still have them. Such nice jeans. As I had started folding them again, and reached up to return them to their safe place, I looked at them one more time and decided, Liza, it is time, I flicked them in the give away pile, knowing I  will always enjoy my memories of Paris with our without these jeans.

I feel  good about letting the jeans go, but this post is not actually about my jeans or about Paris; however that decision to let go of my jeans started a whole other series of events...

As I  continued to dig in my closet.

I noticed a pretty pink box with flowers on it. There she was, just like new in her original box, Mrs. Beasley. (For those of you my age you will know she was a very popular doll in the 60-70's). Mrs. Beasley has been on my closet shelf in some form or other for at least 13 years. As a child, the original Mrs.Beasley came everywhere with me. She was unique in that she was not a baby doll, but an elderly woman doll. She was made popular by the TV show Family Affair.
Through the kerfuffle of life my original Mrs. Beasley got left behind, and well forgotten until a conversation happened many decades later in which I was asked if I could have a thing from childhood that was lost what would it be. My mind was immediately brought back to Mrs. Beasley (And of course I shared many many stories about my relationship with her and provided examples as to why I  chose her). That was my answer. Yes, I would not mind still having that doll I stated.

Much time had passed, I had forgotten about that wine-induced conversation, and it would soon become the year 2000. I had no idea that the original creators of Mrs. Beasley had re-released her as an exact duplicate of the original doll with all the  profits going towards organizations that helped children who had been sexually abused.

A very thoughtful woman who was a big part of my life at that time had ordered her, remembering our conversation from long ago. So on Christmas morning 1999 when I unsuspectingly opened the beautifully wrapped box I was passed, revealing a elderly woman doll in a blue polka dot dress, yes,  a Mrs, Beasley doll, I had a surge of emotion beyond description. So many happy memories all at once. Well, it is safe to say that I lost it, emotionally. I was moved , moved for a couple of reasons. First that  someone would be so thoughtful, and second so grateful for the lost memories that had just been magically restored it seemed.

So, Christmas 1999 came and went and Mrs. Beasley was carefully packed into the  little Sprint along with  many other packages for the  return to PEI voyage. For a while, Mrs. Beasley, still in her box,  had a revered place on a shelf in the living room, but after a while she was transferred to the closet and there she lived, always in the  closet, many homes, many closets later until my above described Purge stuff moment.

For some reason, throughout all the changes life had brought, I had not been able to part with this thoughtful gift. This, even though the person who gave it to me was no longer in my life on any level, and even though I had rid myself of all other remnants of that time in my life.

That day was different though. I  took her down from the  closet shelf, opened the  box, took the  twist ties off her neck, pulled her out of the  box, pulled on the string attached to her voice box heard Cheryl Ladd say , "Do you want to play with my glasses?" in a old woman's voice...and nothing. Nothing happened, (Not sure what I expected) except  I wondered what to do with her. So, I  immediately went to  my computer and placed an ad on Kijji.  under arts and collectibles, because I  didn't think she would qualify as a toy and you are only allowed one category I learned.

Mrs. Beasley doll in original box. Doll from 1960's made popular from TV show Family Affair. Perfect condition. Voice box functional.  Re-issued in 2000. Suitable for personal collection or gift giving. Help bring back someone's happy childhood memories.

Three weeks pass and I decided to  pull the ad and keep the doll. Then I noticed an email Subject: response to your Mrs. Beasley ad. 
So, I opened it expecting it to be a collector, a flea market vendor perhaps. I tell myself I  will not let her go for less than she is worth.

Through a series of phone calls and emails that follow I learn he is not a vendor at all, but a gentleman from NL of all places. (This is where I enjoyed my Mrs. Beasley as a child).
   
     "Me and me daughter have been searching for a this doll for the wife for a long while now", I  heard in that familiar comforting accent.

     "Yeah, she loved this doll when she was a youngster".

He continues.

     "She was so sad after having lost her when her grandmother died and the family home was sold".

     "Ah, I know the feeling". I say.

He further explains where his wife is from and as it turns out we are from around the same area and we are about the same age.

I am moved again, and know this is where my doll belongs now.

I offer to wrap the  doll before I send it off to the Rock because he has told me it is a Christmas gift.
  
      "No" he explains, "Me daughter and I are going to  wrap it in three big boxes."

He tells me also that I have made his daughter very happy and that his wife will  be so  excited.

At this point I just want to send the doll. I  no longer care about the money (I had already  gotten much more than she was "worth") but my aunt in NL who assists me in  completing the transaction reminds me I actually do care about that.

I magically found the exact right box, the exact packing and I  included a note for the  new owner (With the buyer's permission) 

So, next day off Mrs. Beasleywent to the Rock via Sameday, for some other woman to enjoy, for some other woman to open on Christmas morning, to be moved as she remembers her own doll, her beloved grandmother and as she appreciates her husband's thoughtfulness and sees the joy on her daughter's face.

I feel good about this one. And, even better...I myself, let go of so many things the moment I  sealed that box! 

THAT KIND OF DAY

My feet are feeling the heat from the perfect fire that burns in front of me. I am on a get-away vacation for a few days and this is where I ended up. Milford  House in South Milford, NS. I am sure that this has got to be the perfect place... where I am sitting I mean, and the Milford House itself. My inside & outside surroundings are beautiful. A gentle breeze blows through the cabin as the fire roars creating a nice balance of warmth and fresh air. The lake outside the cabin is perfectly still except for the raindrops that disturb it creating thousands of little circles on the water. I can hear the rain on the cabin roof in a regular rhythm and the wind blowing through the trees.  I am happy that it has rained. It is refreshing and cleansing and  the perfect time for a fire. If it wouldn’t seem insane, I would go lie down on the dock for a moment, enjoy the rain and then come curl up inside. Instead, I might just go for a walk in the woods. Later when the rain stops I will go for a paddle in the canoe. I was not as brave as my lover who chose to  go for a padle anyway. I might get dressed today, I might not. IT’S THAT KIND OF DAY.

There is something special about this cabin. Everything about it reminds me of good things, like the curtains for example, they remind me of a childhood mother’s day project. We used Styrofoam meat trays and glued a squiggly patterned trim around the edges and pasted a carefully chosen picture of ourselves in the centre.  The same trim is on the curtains in this cabin. I have not thought of this project in many years, but it brings me good feelings to remember how my mother made such a big deal over it and pretended it was the most perfect gift ever created. I like the scent of the wood, the upholstery on the couch, the quilt on the bed, the simplicity of it all.

Last night I quite possibly had the best sleep of my life. Free from the distractions of everyday life. No Internet, no TV. I confess though, my radio is never far from me, but I even turned that off for a while.

This morning I made coffee in the BODUM, something I only occasionally do at home because of the rush of mornings. It was delightful and tasty indeed.

I might be forced to sit and read my book while I wait for my lover to return from her rainy canoe excursion. I can see her in the distance. I’m going to move myself outside now. I hear nothing except birds, wind, water and my own thoughts. I need to make this a habit.

AHHH...MONTREAL

This morning I walked to a bakery in Montreal and got me some fresh croissants. There was a warm breeze and the sun was just becoming strong. Then I enjoyed these delights with  some coffee and a good friend. We talked and laughed and ate and laughed. Good times. So much to be grateful for. Looking forward to some more time in Montreal,

Best Nap Ever

Yesterday I took myself for a nice long bike ride. It was such a beautiful, hot day that I couldn't resist. There was no real wind to speak of, which is great for biking, but every now and then gentle warm breeze came and went. I  stayed off the main roads choosing a nearby trail. I  didn't have to go too far to find quietness and beauty around here (Needed some of that). I packed a small picnic, a book and headed out. My intention was to bike to the beach but there was one place on the trail where I  stopped for a moment & looked around at the beautiful surroundings. I immediately made the decision to stop & rest for a moment right where I was. I pulled into the woods, parked my bike and layed down in the tall grass, took it all in. I was slightly overcast and the threat of a shower was lingering. I  might have welcomed a brief refreshing  rain shower.  It was so silent except for the birds. I  closed my eyes briefly to  block the sun and to my surprise, twenty minutes later I woke up. It was the best nap I have had in a long while, and who knew but my body that I needed one.I  ate my watermelon,  sat with my  thoughts for a moment, and continued my  journey. I had a new sense of  vigor and a renewed sense of appreciating  special moments when they happen. Our summer is so short, best to enjoy it while it lasts. I never made it to the beach. That will have to wait for another special moment.

We do not HAVE to March...Reflections on Pride week.

 PRIDE week has rolled around once again, and once again I have spend a good bit of my time pondering if PRIDE week is losing its importance for me. I asked myself questions like, Is Pride Week necessary anymore? We have equal rights now I told myself, and we can pretty much come and go as we please (At least in this country). I don't feel threatened when I walk down the street. Do we need such visibility? Do  we need to be "seen"? Do we really need a parade? Why exactly are we marching down the street anyway? Is PRIDE relevant anymore or has it  served its purpose?

Initially I decided that PRIDE week really has no place in my personal life anymore and that it had mostly become a reason for the young people to party. But then I considered how much of a place PRIDE had in my heart.
Many years back, after a series of life events, and in an effort to meet people,  I  contacted PEI PRIDE and through the committee I met so many wonderful people at a time when I may have otherwise been alone. I am still friends with most of those people. I considered the role that PRIDE has played in getting us to where we are today in terms of rights and freedoms and decided I could not  ignore this week as an "unimportant"  thing. PRIDE has helped so many like- minded people come together, have fun and most importantly feel safe doing so.

I thought of the young man who was murdered in Halifax a few months back, Raymond Taavel was his name.
And then I recalled how so many people who knew him through PRIDE, and even those who did not, gathered in the street to honor his memory  and how Facebook was full of the PRIDE flags as a gesture of solidarity and respect. Then I decided that YES, there  are lots of reasons to celebrate and to be seen.  No, we may not HAVE to march , but we CAN and that  in itself is something to celebrate.

Once a year, a week of celebration of something we may have in common, a week of  celebration also of the diversity among us. This is  a week to see old friends, to dance, to sing, and to respect difference. It is a week to  remember what PRIDE has meant to us in the past or does mean to us now. This week we can celebrate  the youth who can foster pride in themselves and not feel ashamed. They might not feel like they are so alone. This week is for the children of gay parents as they  grow up, to celebrate their lives, and their Moms and Dads.

I thought about the beauty and the simplicity of the PRIDE flag in all its glory and I knew that this colourful  symbol would be a part of my life forever, no matter if i participate or not. The flag is  ours, a universal symbol of promise and peace.  A welcoming symbol on any door or window when travelling, a symbol of unity and  endurance.

If  for a moment I lose my enthusiasm surrounding PRIDE week I need only to think of the  meaning behind the colours in the flag, meanings that do  not  need a week, but are useful as daily whisperings for anyone.

RED for life and pride in our daily lives and the way we live them, the way we treat others. ORANGE for healing and as a community & there is no shortness of that  to do. YELLOW for Sunshine, which everyone enjoys, and the time we celebrate. GREEN for Nature so lets  respect what's natural in us and others, BLUE for Harmony which we absolutely want, and last  but  not least PURPLE for spirit,  so lets celebrate Pride week  in the  spirit it is intended , in the  spirit of inclusion, visibility, diversity, and  of course, pride in who we have been, in who we are and who we might become.

 HAPPY PRIDE WEEK

Been Busy

Hi  Everyone,

I have not forgotten that I maintain a blog. I have been busy with all sorts of  great things. I have been writing a lot and am very happy about that. I'll be back soon I  promise, stay tuned! One of these days I  may be organized enough to   write posts in advance...but for now, please be patient.
Za

My Lovely New Agenda

This morning I accidentally  started my day an hour early. I woke up at 3:50 thinking it was 4:50 and got up. I found my workout clothes in the dark (strategically placed the night before), made my way to the kitchen, fed the cat, got the coffee underway and headed to the basement to workout. I am off to a great start in 2012 I think to myself.
Now, with all my morning preparations done I have an hour to spare and feel I  should utilize it wisely.
The start of a new year, a contemplative time. Rose Vaughan is on the radio singing Stone, Sand, Sea and Sky. She has such a beautiful, contemplative voice. 
I'm listening to that woman who hosts Halifax's CBC radio early morning program. Gawd, I should know her name. Right, Louise Renault, That's her name. She has a great radio voice for this time of day. Listening to her first thing in the morning is great. She has such a soothing gentle "time to get up soon" voice. She's on for 20 minutes or so before our local program kicks in and things take a brisk turn towards a "GET UP NOW!" kind of voice.

Yup...The frenzy of the season (whatever this means to you) has passed and now we look forward... Most of us thinking about goals and objectives for a minute.
Some of mine that I would like to share:
*USE MY  LOVELY NEW AGENDA (SEE ABOVE PIC)
*MANUSCRIPT ( PUT ONE TOGETHER)
*REMEMBER BIRTHDAYS
*DON'T PROCRASTINATE SO MUCH
*ENJOY WINTER
*WORK TOWARDS DOING A CARTWHEEL AT SOME POINT IN THE NEXT 7 YEARS (BEFORE 50)_
*BLOG MORE
* MAKE MORE SOUP
*WEAR RED TIGHTS AT SOME POINT
*DECREASE THE SIZE OF MY PANTS.
*ORGANIZE MY FILING CABINET
*THROW OUT THE ODD SOCKS
*MORE YOGA PRACTICE
*MORE CONTACT WITH FAMILY
*MAKE A TOFU CHEESE CAKE
*IF SOMEONE IS IMPORTANT TO ME i WILL LET THEM KNOW
*SING MORE, DANCE MORE
Well, guess that's enough for now. These seem doable. 
I love the freshness of a new year, like the first page of a  new journal.